Hobbits, Stewards and the Pipeweed that Binds them
by ClariceTook
Summary: Ever wonder what would happen if the LotR crew tried to pull the biggest heist that Middle Earth has ever seen! Ocean's Eleven-ish(based on the movie) and Very FUNNY! r/r!


Hobbits, Stewards, And the Pipe-Weed That Binds Them  
  
DISCLAIMER : The characters themselves are not mine. I do not profit from them. Nor do I own or profit from the story concept which is that of Ocean's Eleven. So don't throw me in jail!  
  
Chapter 1  
  
"Please tell us your name for the written records," one of Aragorn's companions motioned him to sit on the rock.  
  
"Aragorn, son of Arathorn."  
  
"Thank you. Aragorn, we have all gathered so that we can determine whether or not we let you go, you are likely to get into trouble. Although this is the first time we've actually tried to keep you with us, you have hinted a desire for leaving on several other occasions. What can you tell us about that?"  
  
"Well, as you pointed out, you've never tried to sustain my services by force."  
  
"Aragorn," his other companion leaned forward. "What we want to know is, why do you push so hard for us to let you go this time and not the others?"  
  
"My love left me," Aragorn dropped his head a little. "I was seeking solace in the arms of brethren of the Dunadain."  
  
"If we allow you to go, do you think you will be returning to us?"  
  
"She left me once, I do not think she would do so again just for amusement," Aragorn looked back up at his three comrades.  
  
"Aragorn, we are also wanting to know what you would do if we allowed you to go."  
  
Aragorn leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. "How fulfilling do you think an innkeeper's life would be?"  
  
*** Aragorn ascended the stairs confidently. He immediately walked over to a table where a stout hobbit was sitting. He took his seat and eyed the short, hairy creature. "Hello Sam."  
  
The hobbit lurched his head upwards and stared at Aragorn. "I'm sorry, sir, my name is Mr. Underhill."  
  
Aragorn straightened up. "Sorry. My mistake. This table's no fun anyway."  
  
The hobbit watched the Ranger stand up. "You may want to try the bar at the Blue Fish. It gets nice ale around midday or so."  
  
"Midday?" Aragorn raised a hand in farewell.  
  
"Yes sir."  
  
"Thank you, Mr. Underhill." Aragorn walked out of the inn.  
  
Around midday, Aragorn was sitting at a table, sipping some ale and listening to some gossip at a near-by table. The hobbit walked up and sat down.  
  
"Checking up on current happenings?"  
  
"Mr. Underhill," Aragorn gave a nod of his head.  
  
"Glad to meet you. Samwise Gamgee can't get past the Gondorian Board. So, you just get out?"  
  
"This morning. You seen him?"  
  
Sam gave a laugh. "Last I heard, he was teaching women how to shoot arrows. Why? You have a plan already?"  
  
"Are you joking?" Aragorn took another sip. "I just became a social person again."  
  
  
  
*** "Legolas," a woman's voice called. "Legolas!"  
  
Legolas turned to look at the barmaid that was beckoning to him. He finished eating the mushrooms that were in the pouch before walking towards the barmaid.  
  
"Legolas," the barmaid began to follow him towards the back door. "I was talking to my overseer."  
  
"Butterbur."  
  
"No, my other overseer.actually, they're both named Butterbur. Well, because he says that what we're doing could be used for future business or something, I could really make it a perk on my credentials. The only thing is that, and it's his idea, I have to pay you in free ale and food."  
  
Legolas stopped walking to look at he barmaid.  
  
"Or we could just stick to the money."  
  
Legolas gave a nod before entering the loud and crowded bar. He pushed his way through to a backroom where a number of barmaids stood, holding their bows.  
  
"Okay, we're going to start with a stationary target. Everyone remember stationary targets?"  
  
The girls all nodded.  
  
A girl stepped up and brandished her bow. "UNGARD!"  
  
Legolas shook his head, "This is not sword-fighting, Illayne!" She sheepishly set the bow down and took a step back.  
  
"Alright, Gyalla, you next."  
  
A sandy-haired woman stepped up and set a bow.  
  
"Gyalla, pointy end out!"  
  
"Come on, let's keep going."  
  
"The little red dot!" one of the girls pointed to a speck on the target.  
  
"No," Legolas shook his head. "You don't want the red, you want to stand down."  
  
"Is that good?" she asked.  
  
"Here," Legolas took the bow and set it down on a table. "Just, don't. Gyalla! Pointy end out!"  
  
"I'll get it! I'll get it!" Gyalla made a pouting face.  
  
"Illayne, that's a stirring stick. You can't have a stirring stick. You cannot use kitchen utensils in a bow and arrow."  
  
Some immediate commotion arose considering Gyalla's organizational skills.  
  
"Girls! Girls!" a dark haired girl called for attention. "I hit the blue!"  
  
All girls began to dance and hug each other.  
  
Legolas glanced at the wall. The arrow had hit the target that was three places away from her own target. He picked up his ale cup and downed it. He knew this was going to be a looooooooong night!  
  
TBC... 


End file.
